Drunkin Dwarflings
by Evildarkwolf
Summary: Dis has to go to work and what if Bombur was suppose to babysit our favorite little dwarflings? But he never showed up...cant you imagine the trouble the boys will get into with being left by themselves. Cute little Fili/Kili Annoyed/Dis Loving/Thorin


_**This idea popped into my head and I couldn't stop laughing. I hope you all love it as much as I do! **_

_**This is a one shot**_

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><p>"Come on Fili! It will be fun!" Kili begged of his brother. "Mother wont be home for a while and I've been wanting to see what it taste like. Uncle always does and mother sometimes does as well."<p>

Fili rolled his eyes as he looked down at his slightly shorter brother. A smile appearing on his lips as Kili bounced on his heels smiling like a goof. "Mother will have our heads brother. We arent old enough yet. And besides I cant reach that high anyway."

Kili's smile started to fade as his eyes grew wider looking up at his brother with his best puppy face. "Please?"

Fili sighed annoyed at himself for letting his brother get to him. "Alright!" Fili yelled the smile returning to his face once again as he ran to the kitchen his brother close on his heels.

30 minutes later...

Thorin was walking his younger sister home after her long day of work.

"I wonder if my boys missed me?"

Thorin smiled. "You know they do. They will be excited. This is the longest time you have left them alone." Thorin told her as they started walking up the stone pathway to Dis's house.

"Durin help me, Bombur better have taken good care of my babies." Dis said balling her fist up in the air. Dwalin and Balin had been the only ones she had ever let babysit her sons other than her brother. She only trusted a few but since Dwalin and his brother had somewhere they had to be Thorin promised her that Bombur would be a good babysitter. He was childish as it were.

"If he has eaten all of our food I will take my axe to him!" Dis told her brother as she grabbed her doorknob. "It sure it quiet." She said as she felt better about the whole thing. "He must have put them to bed."

As they entered Dis's home they looked around.

"Buggers!"

Dis jumped back startled by the shout and surprised when she saw her oldest son standing on top of the coffee table holding her beloved candle stick and waving it in the air.

"Burgers beware! For I am the mighty Thorin Oakenshield!" Fili shouted as he jumped off the table and ran at his mother. Stopping just before he ran into her he looked up at her smiling warmly but lopsided. "Hellooooo Mutha!"

Thorin let out a small giggle as he watched his nephews crazy behaver. Fili had always acted like a good little dwarf it was always Kili that did wild childish things. This was a sight to remember.

Dis looked down at her oldest trying to keep from laughing, but her smile dropped when she looked into her son's blood shot eyes. "What in Durin have you been drinking?!"

Thorin got to one knee grabbing ahold of Fili's shoulders and making him look at him. And sure enough his oldest nephew's eyes were blood shot and the front of his shirt was damp and the smell was very familiar to Thorin. "Fili." Thorin said disappointment settling in his face. "Where did you get the ale?"

"Yes! Where did you get it Fili!" Dis yelled down to her son. "And where is Bombur! I'm going to end him when I find him!" Dis roared as she looked around.

Thorin looked away from his nephew looking up at his sister. "Dis, calm down. Its clear that he's not here." Thorin told her grabbing ahold of Fili and getting up holding Fili on his hip. "Not like the big fella could hide." Thorin whispered to his nephew who in return roared with laughter. And Thorin could feel a headache starting in the back of his head. This was going to be a long night.

"Where is my Kili?" Dis asked looking around. "Kili!"

Dis went checked the bedroom first but Kili wasn't in there so she checked her room but nothing. "Did Bombur take him?" She asked herself.

"Dis!"

Dis walked back to the living room where her brother had called and found him in the kitchen.

"I found him sister." Thorin said still holding on to Fili who looked like he was getting tired.

Dis smiled brightly as she hurried to where her brother was. Looking around on the floor she did not see her youngest. "Kili?"

Thorin walked over to one of the lower cabinets and opened the door to it, white dust smoked out of the small space causing Thorin to cough and Fili to laugh as he swatted at the air. "Beware white air! I'm the mighty Thori..." Thorin placed his hand over Fili's small mouth stopping his words from sounding.

Thorin smiled as Fili mumbled into his hand. "Thats enough Fili. No more mighty Thorin." Thorin said trying not to laugh at his nephew. He knew his sister was angry with her sons and Thorin knew he should be too but Fili was being too cute to be angry at.

Inside Kili sat, his face and clothing white as a ghost. He was holding a bag of flour in his small little hands.

"Fili! Dat was the bestest storys you ever tolded mes! Tells another one?" Kili roared as he got another small handful of flower and threw it at the cabinet wall. White powder went everywhere filling the small space once again as Kili let out howls of laughter. "I got you brother!"

"Kili." Dis called out kneeling on the now white covered stone floor. "Come here baby." She stretched her arms out to her son attempting to grab him under his arms.

But Kili wasn't going to have that as he reached into his flour bag and laughed. "Youp looks funny mummy! Here!" He shouted as he tossed flour onto his mothers face laughing while he did so.

Dis fell back onto her bottom as she tried her best to get the flour out of her now watering eyes. "Kili!" She shouted. Her face turning red from her new anger. "Get out of there right this instant!"

Thorin looked on shocked that Kili would do such a thing to his mother.

Kili stopped smiling as he climbed out of the cabinet standing up he looked up to his brother, and uncle his eyes blood shot red. The white powder on his face making them look that much more red. "How dooed yose gets up there broder?" Kili asked looking back at the cabinet. "Yousss..." He let out a long burp. "...really are magic broder!" (Hicup!) "Umpp." Kili slurred as he started to loose his balance.

"Majestic!" Fili yelled his fist in the air. "I am the great Majestic Thorin Oa..." Thorin once again put his hand over Fili's mouth.

'Fili...You're Fili not Thorin." Thorin told his nephew smiling.

"You are?" Fili asked his eyes growing wide. "Then I must be Majestic like you! Ohhhh I love you!" He yelled hugging his uncle.

Kili looked up at them. "I wuves yous toooooo uglies!" Kili shouted attempted to run to his uncle but he started to loose his footing in his drunken state.

Thorin reached down scooping his nephew in his free arm. Thorin looked down at his sister that was still on the floor. "Are you alright sister?"

Dis shook her head. "No...Put them to bed please." Dis said her voice low.

"There just dwarflings Dis. I did the same thing when I was Fili's age." Thorin told his sister his smile no longer on his lips.

"They were suppose to be good boys. Now look at me!" Dis shouted turning her face so Thorin could see. He face was white like she had gotten carried away with cooking. Around her eyes the flower had mixed with her tears and she her eyes had a crusty look to them now. Looked like she was making biscuits on her face.

Thorin couldn't help but laugh never seeing his sister like this. His young nephews he held also started to laugh with him loudly making Dis's bad mood lighten as she joined in.

But the laughter was short lived as Thorin's laughing jarred Kili's sensitive stomach and he lost his ale vomiting all over his uncles nice dark blue shirt. They all stopped laughing as Thorin looked down at himself. The warm liquid soaking though his shirt. His face turned as he looked at his now sick nephew.

Dis started to laugh from the look on her brothers face. "Serves you right brother!"

?Bombur!

Bombur was on his way to Dis's home to watch over her little dwarflings. Bombur was excited he had never gotten to watch over any dwarflings before. He would show them how to cook! Well Fili since he was sure Kili was still too young. He scratched his head thinking about how old they were now...He could not for the life of him remember. Maybe Fili was too young also? Scratch that he wasn't going to teach them how to cook since he was sure they were far too young.

"Fresh Muffins! Get your fresh muffins right here!"

Bombur looked over at the woman who was trying to sell fresh muffins, and they smelled heavenly. His stomach let out a large rumble that filled the air. He was a bit hungry. "Maybe I should just stop for a bite." He assured himself as he started to walk over to the lady. "I have plenty of time."

"Hey big fella would you like to buy a muffin?" The dwarf woman asked him.

Bombur's eyes shinnied brightly as he took in the lovely dwarfs looks. (What he thought was lovely anyway.) She had a nice long silky looking beard that flowed down to the middle of her chest. Her nose was bigger than her big muffins and there was a large brown mole at the tip with one hair sticking out of it. Her hair was a mix between a brown and bright red and it was sticking every which way on her head. Bombur's heart scored as he took in her lovely dwarf features. It was love at first sight!

"I would love to buy one miss." He gave her a coin as she handed him a muffin with a big smile on her face. He ate it in one bite, he patted his chest as he let out a large burp! "Oops. Sorry bout that Missy." He told her but she looked unfazed.

She opened her mouth and let out a burp to match his own. "Lovely." She said as she handed him another muffin. "Do you like my muffins darling?"

"Yes indeed. My...my name is Bombur."

"Lovely, I'm Sic." She told him as she took the coin he handed her.

And Bombur stood there eating and talking with the ugly dwarf woman until the sun went down. It was the happiest moment of his life...Until his heart dropped down to the pit of his stomach. "The dwarflings!"

He gave the dwarf beauty one last look as he hobbled as fast as he could to the house of Dis. He knew she would be waiting for him with a rolling pin or even worse...her brother.

...The end

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><p>I thought this was the perfect way to end this story<p>

**I hope you all laughed! And please let me know what ya'll thought. Please Review! Hit that little button and you'll make my day. Cookies!**


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